My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
