I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize