oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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