I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
