he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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