I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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