Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
