I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
