a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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