...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
