have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
