i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i came on her dog
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
