Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
