no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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