I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
