He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
