Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize