i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
