I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
