Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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