Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial

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(212): View more from New York

he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.

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(904): View more from Florida

I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.

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(512): View more from Texas

Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(678): View more from Georgia

So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving

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(210): View more from Texas

Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer

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(313): View more from Michigan

She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.

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(630): View more from Illinois

She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch

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