how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
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Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.