you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.