is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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