Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.