Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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