The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.