Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked