it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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