it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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