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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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