If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
