Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
