Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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