I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
where am i from again
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
