Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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