oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
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Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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