It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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