my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
