So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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