Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
