I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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