I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
