I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
