Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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