Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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