I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
why didn't you poke me back
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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