My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
