Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
