I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
