NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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