Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i believe in u and ur pee
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
