Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize