I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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