if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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