I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Dicks are not precious.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
