so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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