My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
