do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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