Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
