that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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