Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
