dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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