If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
