you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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