Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
