I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
