Kiss
Puke
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
