That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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